Josh Silveus

Phrases

1. You never told me how many cakes you wanted!

2. No staying up til 6:30 in the morning, we are GOING to the pumpkin patch tomorrow.

3. I like your sweat pants, bro.

4. I got too much of that Christmas musics.

5. I don’t usually imbibe on libations.

Script:

I don’t usually imbibe on libations

A man, chad, walks into a run down dive bar. Its dim and empty except for a couple of regulars at the end of the bar. Chad walks up to the end of the bar away from the other patrons, obviously seeking solitude. The bartender walks up…

Bartender

What can I get for ya?

Chad

Give me a double of your most expensive whiskey

Bartender

You got it. (starts making the drink) haven’t seen you around these parts before…

Chad

I don’t usually imbibe on libations, but it seemed like a good night to indulge.

Bartender

What’s the special occasion?

Chad

Tonight I’m having a drink for a man I never met.

Bartender

What could a man you’ve never met have done that's worth you spending 40 dollars a shot on whiskey in a place like this?

Chad

He hasn’t done anything. Nothing worth mentioning anyway.

Bartender

So then what are you drinking to?

Chad

I don’t know really. To the inevitable end? To the human experience? Or maybe I’m simply sitting here stirring a whiskey waiting for a man to die. (takes a sip and the bartender looks at him with an inquisitive look) you see, she called me tonight. Told me all about him. How he makes her feel. How hard she tries and how he keeps pulling away.

Now she’s lost and afraid, habitually reaching out to me for her shoulder to cry on.

Bartender

So it sounds like she loves another man and you can’t handle that you’ve been put in the friend zone, sorry brother.

Chad

It’s not like that exactly. She’s unhappy in her current state and can’t get out.

Bartender

Sounds pretty standard to me. Why doesn’t she just break up with him?

Chad

Well… because he’s dying. I realized tonight that he’s pushing her away to spare her the pain. He doesn’t want to put her through that, he can’t handle seeing her watch him waste away. I want to hate him, more than anything, but I can’t. I just can’t. what kind of monster sits and wishes the worst on a terminally ill man? He’s slowly deteriorating and I can’t help but view him as the world’s luckiest man.

Bartender

Does she know how you feel?

Chad

Of course. But she won’t leave him and I’ll never ask her to. She’ll stay at his side until the end.

Bartender

Let me ask you something… who are you waiting for to die, him or you?

Chad

I’m already gone. Just because I’m breathing doesn’t mean I’m alive

(he takes another big swig of his drink)

Bartender

No offense, brother, but just because your hearts beating doesn’t mean you're in love either. (notices that chad has now finished his drink)

Can I get you another one, it’s on me?

Chad

Thanks.

Bartender

Ya know, You won’t find the answers in the bottom of that glass?

Chad

Maybe not, but at least it’ll help me forget the questions.